Two minutes of (court appointed) hate

I’m still waiting for that mercury-poisoned hatter to jump up and tell everyone to “switch places.”

The braggadocious vulgarian, Donald Trump, told Good Morning America precisely what he’s looking for in a Supreme Court nominee:

“Well, I’d probably appoint people that would look very seriously at [Hillary’s] email disaster because it’s a criminal activity,” he said. “I would appoint people that would look very seriously at that to start off with.”

Okay… Another way he could have worded this is “My name is Donald J Trump, and I have no fucking clue how government actually operates.”

I know the rest of us already learned this in fourth grade civics (or Sesame Street), but does the current GOP frontrunner not actually understand that courts don’t actually investigate people for wrongdoing?

Why doesn’t he just explain that we’re going to build a wall around the Supreme Court, and make the Mexicans pay for it?

Oh… Maybe at the same time we can get China to send back our jobs — of course, we’ll have to put a tariff on them, because jobs are made so much cheaper over there.

Maybe we can even get Putin to export some of his respect for us, so we can have Cuba say nice things about Trump on Facebook while we “close down ISIS on the internet” — because Trump knows how to make deals.

Or something.

Look, I know that outside of the fanatical cult of Trumperism, his comments about the Supreme Court are too ridiculous of an utterance to really merit a rebuttal, but apparently I have two minutes to waste, so let’s have at it:

The Supreme Court, contrary to the barely coherent verbal vomit spewed from Trump’s overly expressive lips, does not actually conduct investigations of any sort. Nominating someone who will pursue Hillary’s wrongdoing with the determination of a bull dog would be almost as useful as appointing an actualbulldog to the bench.

Maybe Gruff the Crime Dog is already being vetted.

Hey Trump (ya know, the Donald Trump who wants to be CEO of the United States Government), have you never before picked up on the fact that justices arejurists, not investigators.

Hell… We don’t even need Merriam-Webster for this little exercise: Do you have a TV? Have you ever seen Law and Order? Yeah, judges are the guys in black robes that judge cases. They’re not the guys with cheap off-the-rack suits and tin badges tracking down the fucking evidence.

Don’t get me wrong… I despise Hillary more than I despise mayonnaise — and that’s a level of hate that puts me in serious danger of overdosing on toxic emotions — but arguing that the next Supreme Court Justice needs to “look into Hillary’s emails” is like suggesting Gustave Eiffel be elected as Speaker of the House, because he has a good understanding of architecture.

And this is the guy who’s the frontrunner for the Grand Old Party?

Seriously, we’ve traveled to a place far more alien than Lewis Carroll’s world of talking caterpillars and tyrannical/ homicidal playing cards. Rather than keeping an eye out for the Mad Hatter, we should be looking around for a guy in a dark grey suit, smoking a Lucky Strike, asking us to “Imagine if you will…”

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